Preparing for the Birth | Giftie Etcetera: Preparing for the Birth

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Preparing for the Birth

If I post this, or anything like it after the baby comes, I hope I get the same sort of supportive comments that the author of that blog did.

My friend Rachel B. had a baby born screaming. (He's my Godchild and the baptism was today!) He would not sleep unless held. Crying it out, whatever your opinion of crying it out, doesn't work at one or two days old. The parents can't stand it. The baby is clearly in distress. So they held him. And held him. And brought him to the doctor. And held him some more. I could see Rachel's fear that someone (say, a MIL? ;)) would comment that she should put that baby down or he would be spoiled. She kept telling me that her pediatrician said you cannot spoil a newborn -in a tone that said she was trying to explain and to convince herself. (He's much better now. Sleeping like a baby!)

I didn't judge or say a word. My position on crying it out is that, at some point, it's fine. That point is WAY LONG after an infant is born (as in, you can bet your bunny that Ander, once we've checked all possibilities for crying and solved what we can, will not be allowed out of bed even if he is crying), for me at least. I do believe in scheduling, but I believe you push toward scheduling in subtle ways. Set it up to the extent possible based on baby's natural cues. Wait an extra minute to pick baby up and make sure crying doesn't stop on its own, if it's not time to eat or be awake. Change a diaper before feeding baby if baby gets hungry early (resulting in a 2 minute delay, but letting baby know mommy or daddy is there and is responding). Use sound and light during the day and quiet and dark during the night. It's definitely not crying it out, but it's not immediate response to baby's every desire, either.

But it didn't matter what I thought about picking the baby up everytime. I wasn't doing it at 3 a.m. It was mommy and daddy's call.

This time, I will be attempting breastfeeding. It is NOT my dream. I don't desire breastfeeding. I'm not wanting to breastfeed. I did not with Ander, because of my assosrted medical problems. This pregnancy, my medical problems don't affect breastfeeding, thus far. So, I will be breastfeeding, at least at first. But I WILL complain. I will not like it. (Let's all hope I'm wrong about this, right?) Sometimes, you do something that is against every core of yourself, because it's the right thing to do. There is no law that says it has to make you happy. If I find it continues to be best for my baby and family, I will continue to breastfeed. If I don't, I won't. I suspect it will be better for everyone than I fear. But who knows?

Ultimately, it's going to be mommy and daddy's call. But I expect the comments. I expect my MIL to tell me stories of other's horrible experiences. I expect my BIL to go on and on about how I should hide in my room to feed the baby. I expect my breastfeeding friends to at least think, even if they are too kind to say, that I should hide less. My lactation consultant, who will no doubt be summoned only to check latch and NOT to comment on the one formula bottle a day plan my husband and I have decided on, will comment on the formula.

But a girl can dream that all comments (IRL and on-line) will be supportive, right?


1 comment:

Frog said...

That was nicely written!! I agree totally with her. I can even relate. I'll definitely support any decisions and give your supportive comments. Breast isn't always best for everyone involved!