We All Judge | Giftie Etcetera: We All Judge

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

We All Judge

In my lists of shared blogs (on this site in the gutter), I shared a link to an article about parents judging other parents. It's not important that you read the link. (I'm too lazy to ever read links; I just cannot expect from my loyal readers something I don't expect from myself.) But I do agree with the author about judging other parents.

In essence, she says that judging is something all parents do. I do, I do!!! {waves hand in air} I totally judge parents whose kids run wild in public places. I judge parents who defend their kids when they know their kids are doing wrong. I judge parents who think their kids' wants (not needs) are top priority, even to the point of being rude to others. I judge parents who disenfrachise dads. (I try to keep in mind, while judging, that this might be a one-time thing. For example, Office Depot once pissed my sister off by not sendiing a very important package she had paid them to deliver, and after bad customer service, she brought her toddler and preschooler to the store and let them run wild on the desk chairs. Really funny. :) If I didn't know the story, I'd judge. Instead, I appreciate the justice. I also don't share my judgment with that parent. Parents have enough stress, even if they are mucking everything up.)

The author also talks about how there are some things she tries desperately not to judge - like how parents feed their kids or give birth. I agree. Want to schedule a c-section at 37 weeks? You won't see me doing that without a good medical reason (and there are few good medical reasons at 37 weeks), but you won't see me lecturing the mommy about the risks, either. Think breastfeeding is just gross and won't consider it? I think breastfeeding is good for babies. But what you'll hear from me is "you have to do what works for you and your family."

Why the difference?

Frankly, your c-section or breastfeeding or other medically-related decisions are entitled a higher respect for your privacy. It's so important that the right is implicitly in our constitution. It's important to me to respect whatever decisions parents make regarding nurishment (sp?) and hospitals, in part because I expect my decisions respected. You don't like I strict I am with Ander? So what. Shrug. That's an opinion and you really cannot change my behavior. You don't like that I gave him formula? Well, that's a big deal. You might lobby the government to outlaw formula. My child would have died without it. That's just a bigger deal. People's medical decisions are sacrosanct. (sp? again...sigh) You'd better not touch those, or I'll be up in arms, fighting for WHICHEVER side needs it. I don't believe home birth should be chosen, but you can bet your arse that I'd represent (for a reasonable fee, of course...a girl's gotta eat) someone suing for her right to a home birth. My opinion (anti-home birthing) is not a judgment. It doesn't carry the weight and consequences of a judgment. It's an opinion. That is all. I'd still fight for your right to do it.

IMHO, that's the difference.

To go over the rules I *try* to live by:
1. I don't judge medical decisions, even where I have an opinion.
2. I do judge parents raising their kids in a way I don't approve of. I still don't act on those judgments, because it's still not my business.

Are these too vague? Too mushy? Don't quite make sense. Ah, well. Shrug. Probably.

Now tell your kid not to bring that book, sit on my (random stranger) lap at the bookstore, and read the book to me. I don't like touching strange kids. You need to tell your child not to touch strangers. I need to watch me own child, and can't do that with your little hellion (sp? {rolls eyes at self})on my lap. Crazy, weird lady with a crazy, weird child...(Don't worry, loyal readers, the lady I am judging, a real person, is not reading this blog. ;))



Frog said...

Funny!! Now, I wouldn't mind the child reading to me. That's just me though. I wouldn't want my child doing that to someone else either.

Mamaebeth said...

when i see you remind me to tell you my story from confession about "judging". it's funny.