He doesn't watch the kids for evidence of naughty or nice behavior. He's just a fun game we play.
And, honestly, even though the *****ing Elf is a pain to move around, we've mostly enjoyed him. (The asterisks are totally nice words. Or naughty words. John Henry doesn't care either way!)
I've compiled the best of John Henry's adventures, along with some of our more revealing Elf Facebook statuses from last year.
"We talked Loki into making a Lego playland to tempt John Henry the Elf to play tonight. In other words, we are tricking out kids into taking care of the stupid Elf themselves."
Hide the elf in a water bottle in the cold fridge.
Don't judge the communion wine! It is necessary during elf season. *****ing elf!
Use a skewer and a couple of marshmallows to make a barbell.
Toilet paper the tree!
John Henry tried to defrost the snowman.
Planner peeps - note the excellent use of binder clips.
A nice and naughty list is easy to make.
TIP: Write with your non-dominant hand.
Use a hair rubber band and half a hole-punch circle to make a pirate patch.
In a rush? Stick your elf under the stocking holder.
The amazing floating elf!
During the night before Christmas Eve, John Henry makes reindeer food for the kids to sprinkle on the roof.
Recipe: oatmeal, red or green sprinkles, and chocolate chips.
While the kids were sleeping, our elf made them into Rudolph with lipstick.
TIP: Leave him in front of the mirror so the kids see themselves when they find him.
"'You know, Daddy, grownups are allowed to touch the Elf.' - Loki
'Well, I'm certainly not going to touch him. I wouldn't want to take a chance like that.' - Daddy
'Well, yeah, all grownups but you. You'd ruin Christmas magic all over the world because of how grumpy you are.' - Loki"
Every other night, my husband is in charge of the elf. He does more work than I do.
He used a cookie sheet, powdered sugar, and marshmallows to create this scene.
The lazier, Giftie way - wrap the elf under the tree one night.
Old cellphone? Have the elf call Santa.
The elf can watch a Christmas movie with the stuffed animals (and a bit of popcorn).
One night, our elf unwrapped a gift while we were sleeping. Good thing it was just chocolates!
Have spare socks or unmatched mittens? Let your elf make a disguise.
"I'm pretty sure out elf stayed in place at least five times this year. The kids don't even care anymore. They're like, 'meh, John Henry didn't move last night. Stupid elf.'"
Have the elf turn on the Christmas music channel during the night.
"It's my husband's Elf on the Shelf night. He tied the elf to the fan. Still standing on a chair in front of the fan, he asked me to turn the fan on.
I was skeptical because, well, physics, but I complied.
John Henry the Elf leaned back and slapped him across the face about six times before my husband conceded defeat and asked me to turn the fan back off."
Not Pictured (due to the need to maintain some level of dignity):
John Henry once took down all the stockings and put up underwear instead. He had a pair of undies for each family member!
Another year, John Henry brought surprise gifts BEFORE Christmas. The kids enjoyed unwrapping them. What was the gift?
You guessed it - undies!
Pro Tip: If your elf needs to retire, send the kids a cheap gift and a note from the elf, announcing his promotion to Chief Elf of the North Pole.
I'll close with this funny quote from The Loki:
"Actually, I would not make a very good elf. I don't know how to make toys. I mean, Santa could teach me that part. But I like to hang out in my underwear and the North Pole is very cold."
Feel free to pin any ideas that you want to save to your Pinterest boards.
If you are looking for gift ideas, feel free to check out one of these great gift guides:
Gifts for Men
Gifts for Men
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