If My Child Was Gay...

I've been thinking about a scenario where one of my boys grows up to discover he is gay. I've been thinking about it for a couple of reasons. One is that a relative made a racist remark about my son potentially marrying a minority, and my natural comeback was that Ander can marry who he wants to marry, regardless of race or gender. Admittedly, I was aiming for a bit of shock factor to make my relative think. The other reason is that Iowa, not exactly a liberal area, just had a court allow gay marriage.

I don't suspect most parents hope their child is gay. I imagine that if I had to deal with the struggles most committed gay couples have to deal with, I would not wish those struggles on my own child, even if I were gay myself. The closest (although not perfect) analogy I can think of is what it must have been like having daughters in the late 70s and 80s - daughters of my generation. Women were making strides towards equality, but boys had an easier road than girls to high paying employment and powerful jobs. It's not that parents didn't want daughters, but they must have worried for their daugthers. That's sort of how I feel about if one of my sons is gay. I would worry for him, but strive to give him the tools and the strength to deal with the challenges society creates.

That said, if one of my boys "comes out of the closet" (and I hope it would not be such a big deal as that, really, because my boys will know that they will have parental support and guidance), I want him to be able to have a family and a committed relationship. I want him to have the joys - and, maybe even more importantly, the RESPONSIBILITIES - of raising children, nuturing a lifelong adult relationship, and participating in the community.

If my child turns out to be gay, I want him to be able to assume NOT ONLY the fun parts of marriage - sex, companionship, shared resources - but the responsibilties as well, including financial commitments, living his promises, and being there for someone other than himself.

Why would society not want that? For me, gay marriage isn't about a privilege. It's not about the Constitution (although there is a strong legal argument for it being a Constitutional right). For me, gay marriage, like all marriage, is about responsibility. Committed relationships are good for families, good for societies, and good for individuals. I'm going to support the opportunity for adult individuals to make that commitment, because I never know if my own kids will need the gift of marriage available to them.

Etcetera.

Adam and Eve

For Lent, we are talking to Ander about God everyday. The other day, we talked about Adam and Eve. We tried to explain the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. Then we gave up, and just explained it was the "to not to" Tree. You know, because Mater says, "to not to." Sigh.

Ander listened patiently.

Then he exclaimed. "I know Eve! She's on Wall-E."

Hmmmm.

Loki ate half a jar of carrots and half a jar of green beans today. After 4 weeks of trying, at almost 7 months of age, he deemed to swallow a couple of bites, before restarting his game of clap, spit, and smile.

Progress. Baby steps. Appreciating the little things.

Hmmmm.

Etcetera.

To Not To

"Mommy, I hurt myself when I fly."

"Then, Ander, what did you learn about flying in the house?"

Silence.

Mommy sighs and answers her own question.

"To not to."

Thank you, Mater, for supplying the words when I am too tired to do so myself.

Etcetera.

Why Do Certain Things Never Get Done

I know the dishes have to get done. And I am really good about unloading the plates and the silver (stainless stain...but you know what I meant) while warming supper in the microwave. But I never reload the dishwasher and turn it on. I clean the inside of the tub. But I rarely wipe down the part where the soap and shampoo sits. I clean the toys from the living room, but leave the baby nail clippers sitting on the counter.

Alan is worse than me. He unloads the groceries, but leaves anything that doesn't go in the frig on random counters. He puts pacifiers on top of the tv (not the usual spot) in hopes he will use the paci later. (He won't, because when Loki is screaming for the paci, Alan won't think to look on the tv.)

Things in our house have a home. And if we just put things there, or talked about it and created a home for new stuff, we'd have a much neater, easier-to-live-in home.

So what's stopping us?

Etcetera.

Working Out With Kids

I'm really trying to train for next year's March for the Cure 5K. Yes, a 5K is only 3.2ish miles. But that's IN A ROW. Timed. So girl-who-has-never-ran-over-a-mile-in-a-row has to train.

But I have a 3-year-old and a baby.

So I run when Daddy is home to watch them. I run with them in the double stroller. I go to Jazzercise when the weather is bad or my muscles are too tired to run and for some strength training. I stretch at home, on the floor with the kids. I do push-ups and sit-ups (attempt, not do...attempt is a far more accurate word :/...yikes) with Ander. I do Loki lifts. (Twenty-plus pounds of solid lard, people. TWENTY. At 6 months!)

It's hard to work out and have kids.

I miss Strollerfit classes, but know I couldn't have done them with these two kids.

So I run.

If anyone else runs really, really, really slow and wants to do a mile and a half with me, let me know.

Etcetera.

Homeschool - One Hour In

I've decided that on days Ander and I stay home (most weeks, that's a Friday, and some weeks, it's two or three days, if there is a holiday or something), we will homeschool during the day. I have an education degree, after all, and Ander turned three this month. Unfortunately, all the three-year-old preschools that are near my work (essential criteria) don't start for his age until August, plus they don't have openings. So I figure we'll do a structured (or, really, as structured as preschool gets) day once a week until Pre-K. We also plan to put Ander in an activity this summer and I am looking into storyhour at the library.

I have some goals.

I have a letter of the day that we will work on. (It will probably be A for several weeks, since his name starts with A and it's an important vowel.) We will add saying the ABCs soon, but he pretty much can do that.

I will introduce writing his name at the top of every page of "homework." I mostly write it, though we trace the letter A together. The goal is for him to get familiar with the concept that we write our names on things we do. If he learns some letters or his whole name - BONUS! We are working on the proper way to hold a pencil, at my second grade teacher/sister's insistence!

We will check the weather and the calendar everyday. Later on, we'll add saying the days of the week and the months of the year, but not yet.

We will do a daily tracing/coloring activity. Today, we did tracing the wings of a butterfly and then coloring it. The teacher in my naturally prompted - are you coloring inside or outside the wings? (Not that it matters at this point, but a good way to review inside/outside concepts and the parts of the butterfly.)

We will practice cleanup time and transitions. This is the hardest part! Ander just wants to move to the next activity quickly. I learned to hide the next activity.

Ander really needs to work on coordination, so we practice 2 handed ball throws. Then we subtracted a hand by putting it behind our backs, and did 1 handed ball catches and throws. We pushed the ball in circles around the island in our kitchen and counted the rounds. I'm a big fan of getting kids - little or otherwise - active while learning.

Finally, we did a worksheet where we traced the letter A with our fingers and then colored it.

As I type this, we have out some Melissa and Doug architectual blocks (thanks, Parrain Brien) for free play, while watching the Leap Frog Word Factory Video (which has tons of focus on the letter A).

I'm taking careful notes of everything we do today, so that I can better plan next week based on Ander's needs. I'm also keeping all the activity sheets and taking videos/pictures, so I can track progress over time. I'm using a U/N/S (unsatisfactory/needs improvement/satifactory and mastered) system to note what he can and cannot do. Obviously, Ander doesn't know about that system. In a few weeks, once he is used to the idea of school, we will do a red light/yellow light/green light chart for behavior, but not yet.

He did get one timeout this morning. For projects where he works with me directly (like tracing and coloring the letter A), he sits at the big table. But for mere coloring, he sits at the little table (even though I am hovering and assisting, I don't want him coloring - anymore than he already has :/ - on my real table). He resisted sitting at the real table to the point of hitting me, so he got a timeout. I suspect he didn't understand that, yes, school would continue. He was liking it and didn't want it to stop. :)

Loki slept from 9 - 10 a.m., so all went smoothly. But Loki is waking up, and working him into this will be a challenge.

Have I mentioned that, the moment a school is available, I will not be homeschooling, Masters in Education degree or not? One hour in, and I am exhausted and running out of ideas.

Etcetera.