I offended someone on a message board that I post on. It's a pregnancy board. The woman had a complaint about a pain she was having. Someone else rated the post 3 stars out of 5 possible stars. No other posts were rated, and since she got 3 stars, and not a negative rating of 1 star or a positive rating of 5 stars, I figured a person had just accidentally rated the post (easy enough to do on this particular message board). So I made a comment about how it was funny that someone would give any stars at all for a post about pain. Obviously, pain wasn't positive (I'm pregnant, and it sucks). But the accidental post of stars was ironic.
Maybe I didn't communicate what was funny appropriately. Or, maybe, the person was just having a really bad day. Whatever it was, the poster called me "small minded" and said I was mocking her pain.
Wow.
Of course, it doesn't matter what some stranger on a message board thinks. I don't value this woman's opinion at all, so she can consider me a small minded whatever, and it doesn't bother me a bit.
But what about when you totally don't mean something in an offensive way, but the person is ACTUALLY offended (as opposed to just argumentative). Should you apologize? Or does an apology somehow suggest that you did intend the offense, and therefore make the offended person feel worse? I never know the answer to that question. And, clearly, I talk enough that, on occasion, I offend, even when what I was actually trying to say would not have been offesnive at all.
I'll probably offend my MIL this weekend, when I tell her that she needs to stay with my mom or get a hotel when the baby is born. It shouldn't be offensive. We want her here. We want her to visit and share in the joy and bond with her grandkids. We just don't want the extra stress of a houseguest, after the horrible time I had last time, exhausted and ending up in the hospital. I don't intend to offend, and saying "hey, this one time in this special situation, we need our home to ourselves" shouldn't be offensive. And if she is offended, I clearly cannot apologize, or she'll think that I am thinking what she probably is thinkging, that she is not welcome, which is NOT AT ALL what I am thinking. I am thinking that I need to focus on my children and breastfeeding and recovery and I don't want to be in the hospital again, just because I cannot rest enough. I'm thinking that not having someone (anyone, including my own mom) stay over will help me, because of the way I am. So there will be no apology. Just a statement of what will happen. But there might be tears...hers, not mine. I sincerely hope not.
Etcetera.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
A Little Bit At A Time
I've been working on the mess in my house and my car, just a tiny bit at a time. Mostly, I've been focusing on putting stuff back where it belongs and, when I'm moving from one room to another, bringing one item with me to its home. The house is getting much closer to organized, just by doing these two things.
I've also rearranged my "launchpad." I have an area in my coat closet that has two shelves. The bottom shelf is for stuff leaving the house eventually, like the pictures Brien asked me to transport to Phillip that I haven't taken care of yet. Next time I go to see Phillip, I'll grab the pictures (in theory). The top shelf is for things that go with me the next time I leave the house (like my laptop case and purse). But I added another layer. I'm using a shoe sorter, hanging in the same closet, to have a little storage space for each upcoming day of the week. My watch, rings, and glasses are in the Tuesday space at this moment. On Thursday, I have to do my blood sugars, so my finger prick package (sounds fun, doesn't it?) is in the Thursday spot. On Friday, I have to bring my meds and shots to my doctor, so those things are in the Friday space. It's like a tickler file for physical stuff. My anal side likes it.
Etcetera.
I've also rearranged my "launchpad." I have an area in my coat closet that has two shelves. The bottom shelf is for stuff leaving the house eventually, like the pictures Brien asked me to transport to Phillip that I haven't taken care of yet. Next time I go to see Phillip, I'll grab the pictures (in theory). The top shelf is for things that go with me the next time I leave the house (like my laptop case and purse). But I added another layer. I'm using a shoe sorter, hanging in the same closet, to have a little storage space for each upcoming day of the week. My watch, rings, and glasses are in the Tuesday space at this moment. On Thursday, I have to do my blood sugars, so my finger prick package (sounds fun, doesn't it?) is in the Thursday spot. On Friday, I have to bring my meds and shots to my doctor, so those things are in the Friday space. It's like a tickler file for physical stuff. My anal side likes it.
Etcetera.
Monday, May 19, 2008
My Case Against An Only Child
My husband. (Case closed and I win, right? ;))
My husband really struggles with balancing more than one person at a time. He was an only child and all the focus was on him. He didn't turn out incredibly spoiled or anything (though he was a little spoiled), but he is not always considerate of others. That is not to say that he is inconsiderate. It's just that, once he sees a possible way of doing something, it is stressful for him to ever change course.
He drives to work the same way every single day. If I ever offered a reason to drive another way (run an errand, see a beautiful and rare sight, or a massive wreck on the interstate, he probably would still drive the same way.
Yesterday, he decided he was going to clean my car. Very sweet. Except when I suggested that, instead, he spend actual time with me, he couldn't change course. It was visibly stressful for him. After all, his mom is coming, and she will see the dirty car. And he needed to spend the rest of the day with Ander.
He has no sense of balance when more than one person is involved. I suspect that if he grew up with a sibling (he has a half sibling, but did not grow up with him), he'd have to know how to balance others into the equation.
Anyhow, I'm glad we won't have an only child. It's not that an only child is so horrible, or anything; it's just that Ander will have to learn compromise, consideration, and balance.
Etcetera.
My husband really struggles with balancing more than one person at a time. He was an only child and all the focus was on him. He didn't turn out incredibly spoiled or anything (though he was a little spoiled), but he is not always considerate of others. That is not to say that he is inconsiderate. It's just that, once he sees a possible way of doing something, it is stressful for him to ever change course.
He drives to work the same way every single day. If I ever offered a reason to drive another way (run an errand, see a beautiful and rare sight, or a massive wreck on the interstate, he probably would still drive the same way.
Yesterday, he decided he was going to clean my car. Very sweet. Except when I suggested that, instead, he spend actual time with me, he couldn't change course. It was visibly stressful for him. After all, his mom is coming, and she will see the dirty car. And he needed to spend the rest of the day with Ander.
He has no sense of balance when more than one person is involved. I suspect that if he grew up with a sibling (he has a half sibling, but did not grow up with him), he'd have to know how to balance others into the equation.
Anyhow, I'm glad we won't have an only child. It's not that an only child is so horrible, or anything; it's just that Ander will have to learn compromise, consideration, and balance.
Etcetera.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Good Parents
We went to a kid's birthday party this weekend. Yes, there was cake and toys and all that. But that's not what I am writing about. What impressed me, more than anything, were the parents.
Maybe they were just my sort of parents. I expect, though, that they are more attachment parents than I am. Probably, though this is just a guess, I was the strictest parent there by far. So it's not like I'm writing to commend their parenting styles, because their sytles weren't like the style that works for us.
Instead, I am complementing their parenting QUALITY. Seriously, they were all just great with their kids. They demanded turn-taking and fairness, but without hovering and mandating. Somehow, they managed to make me feel both comfortable than their kids would never bully Ander and get away with it...and comfortable that when Ander bullied their kids (sigh...'cause you knew it would eventually happen), and I didn't let him get away with it, that response would be good enough. There would be no futher expection other than that I do the only thing I can, which is to react appropriately. Plus, they were fun to talk to and very nice people in general.
I was having a rough morning. This weekend, my backache has really flaired up. And being out and about, instead of home, resting, with tylenol and hat packs, does nothing for my back. Add my early morning pukefest right before the party, and was officially feeling like crap. These ladies still made me smile. I especially liked the lady who sent hubby away to find wine. ;)
Etcetera.
Maybe they were just my sort of parents. I expect, though, that they are more attachment parents than I am. Probably, though this is just a guess, I was the strictest parent there by far. So it's not like I'm writing to commend their parenting styles, because their sytles weren't like the style that works for us.
Instead, I am complementing their parenting QUALITY. Seriously, they were all just great with their kids. They demanded turn-taking and fairness, but without hovering and mandating. Somehow, they managed to make me feel both comfortable than their kids would never bully Ander and get away with it...and comfortable that when Ander bullied their kids (sigh...'cause you knew it would eventually happen), and I didn't let him get away with it, that response would be good enough. There would be no futher expection other than that I do the only thing I can, which is to react appropriately. Plus, they were fun to talk to and very nice people in general.
I was having a rough morning. This weekend, my backache has really flaired up. And being out and about, instead of home, resting, with tylenol and hat packs, does nothing for my back. Add my early morning pukefest right before the party, and was officially feeling like crap. These ladies still made me smile. I especially liked the lady who sent hubby away to find wine. ;)
Etcetera.
Friday, May 16, 2008
How Do Other People...
...possibly have time to be pregnant? I had court from 9 until 10. Then I had to return books on pregnancy to the library, pick up maternity clothes from the tailor, pick up my urine from my frig (gross, don't eat at my house ;)), return said urine to the lab in Baton Rouge, get my blood drawn (what a fun, and unexpected, experience...meaning I've suffered through six blood draws/shots/finger pricks this week), and go to THREE pharmacies to find one that could give me something even close to the shots I have been prescribed. In between, I had two half hour phone calls to deal with pressing client issues.
I must give props (again...I seemed pleased with these guys time after time) to the Target pharmacy on Seigen for excellent service and some good advice about where I should allow Alan to stick me on my bum (sounds naughty, but it's not :( ) when he gives me shots.
And I take away props from the driver of the huge truck with the bumper sticker that said, "watch for motorcycles." My mom and dad ride a motorbike, so I'm all about motorcycle safety (as are they, with their daytime only, good weather, speed limit obeying, helmet wearing selves). But how about, Mr. Big Truck, you also watch out for pregnant women driving little Hyundais. Huh, Mr. Big Truck, with your sticker that you clearly ignore?
Etcetera.
I must give props (again...I seemed pleased with these guys time after time) to the Target pharmacy on Seigen for excellent service and some good advice about where I should allow Alan to stick me on my bum (sounds naughty, but it's not :( ) when he gives me shots.
And I take away props from the driver of the huge truck with the bumper sticker that said, "watch for motorcycles." My mom and dad ride a motorbike, so I'm all about motorcycle safety (as are they, with their daytime only, good weather, speed limit obeying, helmet wearing selves). But how about, Mr. Big Truck, you also watch out for pregnant women driving little Hyundais. Huh, Mr. Big Truck, with your sticker that you clearly ignore?
Etcetera.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
I Love Being Pregnant
Damn that Angelina Jolie. Who the heck loves being pregnant?
My fasting blood sugar was high this morning, but my after eating blood sugar was fine. What gives? I also get my first progesterone shot (to stop me from having preterm labor) today. Oh, and I get to carry my pee around in a cooler all day. And pay tons of gas money and pollute the earth by driving back and forth to my doctor's office again today, for the aforementioned shot.
I hope Angelina gets sausage ankles.
Etcetera.
My fasting blood sugar was high this morning, but my after eating blood sugar was fine. What gives? I also get my first progesterone shot (to stop me from having preterm labor) today. Oh, and I get to carry my pee around in a cooler all day. And pay tons of gas money and pollute the earth by driving back and forth to my doctor's office again today, for the aforementioned shot.
I hope Angelina gets sausage ankles.
Etcetera.