I try to discipline my kids exactly the safe way in public as in private. High but reasonable expectations for behavior. Calm, clear instructions. Follow-through on reasonable consequences. But, damn, it's hard.
First of all, reasonable expectations mean that, sometimes, my kid is doing something that I allow simply because of his development, but I get looks from others. For example, in a restaurant, at some point Loki (almost 2) can get down and walk around. To be fair to others, he certainly cannot go up to people at other tables or get in the waiter's way. But he can walk near the table, after the main meal has ended, while grownups have dessert, coffee, or chit chat. Developmentally, he can only stay in the chair so long. But, and I'm guessing this is because other patrons has experienced little kids disturbing their meals and think I'll let my kids do the same, other customers seem to glare, get uncomfortable, or feel they must entertain him (which totally undermines the whole "don't go by other tables" rules). I think it's absolutely appropriate. He's not screaming, touching others, or unsafe. He can explore, but only in our little area. So I do the same as I would alone. But it's so hard when others are glaring. :/
I also use timeout. With Ander, generally people compliment me. "Such a good boy." "I can't believe he stayed in timeout and then changed the behavior, but he did." "You are so calm and patient with him." But, with Loki, people inevitably think he's too little. They either smile and tease him to cheer him up while he is in timeout (which totally undermines the timeout) or they comment how young he is (though he is almost two and has been practicing in 10 second and up intervals until, now, he knows what is expected). No matter the good result, they don't WANT him to be in trouble, so they are uncomfortable. Also, the public didn't see that I simply redirect when possible (like in situations where no one else is getting hurt and there is no danger to Loki), use tons of positive reinforcement, and don't yell at or hit my kids.
I try to make yelling are rare occurence with my children. I really do, But not yelling at other people for their reactions to my discipline techniques, which are kind, developmentally-appropriate, and, dammit, WORKING - that is a challenge.
Etcetera.
Monday, August 9, 2010
Friday, July 30, 2010
Relaxing at Home
I seriously considered a Staycation this year. Ander has a pre-K meeting smack dab in the middle of the week we have vacation, so we'll be traveling, then home, then, presumably, traveling again. Sounds like a ton of work, really. But I know I have to leave the house to relax, because, frankly, my family does not know how to relax at home.
As soon as we exit the door, we can chat. We can sip drinks and play in shade and watch little animals scurry around. We can eat tasty food and play games.
But at home, we watch tv or play on the computer. The end. All of us, including Loki, can't seem to get unplugged. And if we unplugged for the "Staycation"? Well, I guess we'd probably die. Family of four, dead of boredom, story at 6.
I've heard tales of others who relax at home. I've heard of family dinners, glasses of wine in front of a roaring fire, and cuddles in the backyard under the stars.
Utter nonsense. Lies, I tell you! Those people make that crap up.
Etcetera.
As soon as we exit the door, we can chat. We can sip drinks and play in shade and watch little animals scurry around. We can eat tasty food and play games.
But at home, we watch tv or play on the computer. The end. All of us, including Loki, can't seem to get unplugged. And if we unplugged for the "Staycation"? Well, I guess we'd probably die. Family of four, dead of boredom, story at 6.
I've heard tales of others who relax at home. I've heard of family dinners, glasses of wine in front of a roaring fire, and cuddles in the backyard under the stars.
Utter nonsense. Lies, I tell you! Those people make that crap up.
Etcetera.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Personal Assistants
If you had a personal assistant, what would you have them do? I was walking this morning (a full 5K, but it was too damn hot to run) and thinking about it. I was actually thinking that I really want to start a company, sort of like a temp agency, that contracts out personal assistants by the hour.
In my dreamworld, someone would wash, fold, and put away the laundry, do the dishes every night, and take out the trash twice a week. Alan already does most of those chores, but it would be nice 1) not to have to help out and 2) to have him not busy and spending that time with the family. My personal assistant would do the grocery shopping (mostly my job), prep food for cooking, and pay the bills that need to be paid in person (like the car insurance). They would find all black velcro sneakers for my kid, book my hotels for my vacation, and do that pile of filing in my living room. They would convert the crib to a bed and bring the old playpen to goodwill. They would call the tree service and supervise while the service cut down the tree. They would plan Loki's birthday party and send out invites. And rent Ander's tux for his godmother's wedding. And bring my car to the car wash.
Won't you please send me a personal assistant? Thanks.
Etcetera.
In my dreamworld, someone would wash, fold, and put away the laundry, do the dishes every night, and take out the trash twice a week. Alan already does most of those chores, but it would be nice 1) not to have to help out and 2) to have him not busy and spending that time with the family. My personal assistant would do the grocery shopping (mostly my job), prep food for cooking, and pay the bills that need to be paid in person (like the car insurance). They would find all black velcro sneakers for my kid, book my hotels for my vacation, and do that pile of filing in my living room. They would convert the crib to a bed and bring the old playpen to goodwill. They would call the tree service and supervise while the service cut down the tree. They would plan Loki's birthday party and send out invites. And rent Ander's tux for his godmother's wedding. And bring my car to the car wash.
Won't you please send me a personal assistant? Thanks.
Etcetera.
Monday, June 21, 2010
House Dilemmas
I really like my house. I truly do. I love the openness of the layout, the small yard, and my bathroom. It fits my personality. There are many things I'd like to change, though.
I want to plant a satsuma tree in the backyard. I want the master bath to have a shower instead of just a bath. I wish the boys had a bunk bed and the other room could function as a playroom/guest room. I want the old desktop out of the living room and to rearrange the space so that the tv goes where the fireplace currently sits. I want nice, effective shades and window treatments. I need two new lamps and a dresser in the bedroom. I need two new stools in the kitchen, as well as a nice storage piece for desk supplies (either a roll top desk or an anitque piece). We need to do something about some flooring problems (that we hope aren't foundation problems), need to deal with the siding on one side of the house, and need to buy a new front door. The bedroom and Ander's bedroom need new paint jobs. We need a new comforter set in my bedroom. In short, there's a list of improvements that would make our home perfect.
Except...
There's the commute. It's too long to get home in the afternoon. Once Ander has school events, the commute will be really crazy. Also, we really could use more space. We can deal with the space we have now, with the right storage pieces...but we don't have the right storage pieces.
So what do we do? Move? Stay? The problem is that I worry about moving because of the higher cost of a house in the city. But I don't want to make unnecessary improvements on our house if we are moving. At the same time, I really want a shower. And a tree. And a bunk bed. I feel like I'm in limbo, not spending anything on this house, thinking we need to save it all for a move that may or may not happen.
It's annoying that we only have one working bar stool. The lack of lamp on Alan's side of the bed drives me crazy. The big table in my living room shatters the peace of the room. The sunlight needs to be blocked.
I need to find patience, I guess. But if you know me, you know that's not my gift.
Etcetera.
I want to plant a satsuma tree in the backyard. I want the master bath to have a shower instead of just a bath. I wish the boys had a bunk bed and the other room could function as a playroom/guest room. I want the old desktop out of the living room and to rearrange the space so that the tv goes where the fireplace currently sits. I want nice, effective shades and window treatments. I need two new lamps and a dresser in the bedroom. I need two new stools in the kitchen, as well as a nice storage piece for desk supplies (either a roll top desk or an anitque piece). We need to do something about some flooring problems (that we hope aren't foundation problems), need to deal with the siding on one side of the house, and need to buy a new front door. The bedroom and Ander's bedroom need new paint jobs. We need a new comforter set in my bedroom. In short, there's a list of improvements that would make our home perfect.
Except...
There's the commute. It's too long to get home in the afternoon. Once Ander has school events, the commute will be really crazy. Also, we really could use more space. We can deal with the space we have now, with the right storage pieces...but we don't have the right storage pieces.
So what do we do? Move? Stay? The problem is that I worry about moving because of the higher cost of a house in the city. But I don't want to make unnecessary improvements on our house if we are moving. At the same time, I really want a shower. And a tree. And a bunk bed. I feel like I'm in limbo, not spending anything on this house, thinking we need to save it all for a move that may or may not happen.
It's annoying that we only have one working bar stool. The lack of lamp on Alan's side of the bed drives me crazy. The big table in my living room shatters the peace of the room. The sunlight needs to be blocked.
I need to find patience, I guess. But if you know me, you know that's not my gift.
Etcetera.
Saving the Earth
I do a few ecofriendly things. I use reusable bags about 90% of the time these days. When I do get plastic bags, I reuse them (mostly for stinky diapers). I try to unplug the computer at night. I turn off lights in rooms where we don't need light. I use the fancy foreverish lightbulbs.
But, really, I suck about being environmentally conscience. A lot of it is about keeping peace in my household. It doesn't mean much to my husband to recycle or unplug unused appliances, so he protests the very idea. Some of it is about time. Time is so limited around here that adding anything to my to do list sounds a bit, well, crazy.
But I keep thinking about energy, especially with the oil spill, and I realize that I need to do something. And let's face reality - it won't be giving up my 65 degree a/c setting. So I think I really will designate one of our two trash cans for recycling. Once it is full, we'll just use the other one and toss that stuff, so I don't have old food containers lying around. (My OCD is still stronger than my environmentalist calling and old trash is very OCD inducing.) Now, how to convince the hubby?
Etcetera.
But, really, I suck about being environmentally conscience. A lot of it is about keeping peace in my household. It doesn't mean much to my husband to recycle or unplug unused appliances, so he protests the very idea. Some of it is about time. Time is so limited around here that adding anything to my to do list sounds a bit, well, crazy.
But I keep thinking about energy, especially with the oil spill, and I realize that I need to do something. And let's face reality - it won't be giving up my 65 degree a/c setting. So I think I really will designate one of our two trash cans for recycling. Once it is full, we'll just use the other one and toss that stuff, so I don't have old food containers lying around. (My OCD is still stronger than my environmentalist calling and old trash is very OCD inducing.) Now, how to convince the hubby?
Etcetera.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
The Summer Camp Shuffle
Wow, summer camp sure is hard work for the parents. On the plus side, Ander seems pretty happy with it. He still doesn't like getting dropped off in the morning, mostly because he prefers to sleep in and watch movies all day (a la daddy ;)), but he gets an extra 15 minutes of precious sleep in the morning. ('Course, mommy sucks at math, since his bedtime is still between 8:30 p.m. and 9 p.m. and he doesn't get a nap at summer camp...sigh. Perhaps that explains the whiney and the stupids and the obstinates?)
But each day is different and everything is carried by my skinny, weakling of a nerdy kid. (Apologies to child-who-will-not-be-named in the future, should he ever read this, for the nerdy shout out. Surely, he will grow into a cool, strong, manly man.) (Maybe.) Lunch box, complete with two snacks, lunch, utensils, drinks, and ice packs. Ice packs that, I might note surily, have to be refrozen every night and once exploded in a sticky blue cloud in his lunch box. Backpack, with spare clothes and sunscreen every day. Water bottle, with ice. And purple lanyard for carrying it, with pink and baby blue paisleys. Yep, HIS choice.
On Mondays, he needs a bathing suit and towel, labeled with his name. He'll need it again on Wednesday, and we have to wash it in between, because he only owns one suit. It seems silly to buy two suits just to swim twice a week. Well, it SOUNDED silly until each Tuesday night, around 9 p.m., when mommy says, "oh shit! His suit is wet and dirty." {rolls eyes at own genius}
Tuesdays are field trip days. Not only does lunch need to be lighter for carrying on the bus, but he MUST wear his purple shirt, or they don't let him go. And he MUST be there on time. Note that, in my household, purple and red is an entire laundry category. If we would have skipped that batch of clothes, we cannot now.
On each Wednesday, we have to pay $5 cash pizza fee, which sucks because we get out cash on Thursdays, and never in $5 increments from the drive-though $10, $20 or $50 bills only cash machine. Plus, he needs a separate check for tuition.
Friday is sometimes, but not always, theme day. This week? Safari. What do we wear? An elephant nose? It has to be cool and comfortable, so probably a green t-shirt. Because as you know, grass is green. A+ parenting!
Alan does drop-off and pickup, added an extra special layer of fun. He forgets things and gets stressed, so while my darling husband is KING of doing the laundry and dishes (bless him...and I don't mean that sarcastically), I pack everything. I leave for work before he does, so I leave a DAILY list (sunscreen on kid, lunch from frig (dry stuff is already packed in lunch box), backpack, and water bottle) plus a daily list (swimsuit, towel, $5 cash for pizza, check for tuition). I prepack the lunch box and unpack it when he gets home. I have an area of the counter prepared for child's stuff. I am organized like crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. And they locked me in a little rubber room. There where daily and weekly lists in that room. Daily and weekly lists make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once...
Etcetera.
But each day is different and everything is carried by my skinny, weakling of a nerdy kid. (Apologies to child-who-will-not-be-named in the future, should he ever read this, for the nerdy shout out. Surely, he will grow into a cool, strong, manly man.) (Maybe.) Lunch box, complete with two snacks, lunch, utensils, drinks, and ice packs. Ice packs that, I might note surily, have to be refrozen every night and once exploded in a sticky blue cloud in his lunch box. Backpack, with spare clothes and sunscreen every day. Water bottle, with ice. And purple lanyard for carrying it, with pink and baby blue paisleys. Yep, HIS choice.
On Mondays, he needs a bathing suit and towel, labeled with his name. He'll need it again on Wednesday, and we have to wash it in between, because he only owns one suit. It seems silly to buy two suits just to swim twice a week. Well, it SOUNDED silly until each Tuesday night, around 9 p.m., when mommy says, "oh shit! His suit is wet and dirty." {rolls eyes at own genius}
Tuesdays are field trip days. Not only does lunch need to be lighter for carrying on the bus, but he MUST wear his purple shirt, or they don't let him go. And he MUST be there on time. Note that, in my household, purple and red is an entire laundry category. If we would have skipped that batch of clothes, we cannot now.
On each Wednesday, we have to pay $5 cash pizza fee, which sucks because we get out cash on Thursdays, and never in $5 increments from the drive-though $10, $20 or $50 bills only cash machine. Plus, he needs a separate check for tuition.
Friday is sometimes, but not always, theme day. This week? Safari. What do we wear? An elephant nose? It has to be cool and comfortable, so probably a green t-shirt. Because as you know, grass is green. A+ parenting!
Alan does drop-off and pickup, added an extra special layer of fun. He forgets things and gets stressed, so while my darling husband is KING of doing the laundry and dishes (bless him...and I don't mean that sarcastically), I pack everything. I leave for work before he does, so I leave a DAILY list (sunscreen on kid, lunch from frig (dry stuff is already packed in lunch box), backpack, and water bottle) plus a daily list (swimsuit, towel, $5 cash for pizza, check for tuition). I prepack the lunch box and unpack it when he gets home. I have an area of the counter prepared for child's stuff. I am organized like crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. And they locked me in a little rubber room. There where daily and weekly lists in that room. Daily and weekly lists make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once...
Etcetera.