Responsible Kids Through Simple Solutions

My kid, age 8, keeps forgetting to wear his belt to school. Each time he forgets, he receives a demerit. (How very Catholic school does that sound? It makes me giggle every time.) Five demerits means a detention. (Back in my school days, I would have gotten detention for carrying my school supplies with these blue nails! That makes me giggle, too.)

As a mom, I support the detention. In fact, I kind of hope that he earns one because then he'll learn a good lesson about remembering his stuff.

But, honestly, as a person, I am going to be so annoyed if he gets a detention, as we live out of town from the school and detention occurs at some ridiculously early hour. I don't want to get up early! It's not like I was the naughty one! Not enough coffee in the world...

I had the option, of course, of adding "belt" to my daily checklist of things to carry with me in the morning, right under water bottles and snacks.

But then I would be remembering the belt and he would learn nothing!

Instead, he has a new rule. When he takes off his shoes (the prompt), he also takes off his belt (the action) and stores it in the shoes (the physical reminder) so that he cannot miss it in the morning. If he forgets to put the belt in the shoes, I can punish him early - before he gets a demerit and before I get a date with the evil sunrise. So far, so good.

This could work for you, too. Take something you already do (the prompt), relate it to an action, and leave a physical reminder.

In the morning, when I make coffee, I also look over my planner. I keep the planner, overnight, in the spot where I always sip coffee.

At night, when I plug in my phone, I take my meds, stored right by the plug.

And have your kids do the same. Maybe it's taking meds when brushing teeth or setting the alarm clock when they pick up their book to read at night.

Prompt. Action. Physical reminder.

It works.

Etcetera.

Too Much Order

I am in a lot of organizing groups, read daily blogs about planning and housekeeping, and check Pinterest for ideas for storing my crap in an orderly fashion. So you'd think that I would love color-coded, alphabetized rows of canned food (or CDs or apples or, based on the pictures that I get tagged in on Facebook, virtually any item).

I don't. In fact, I'm here to rant about people who organize that way.

For me, being organized is about aesthetics in the sense that I don't want to be overwhelmed with clutter. But I am not a decorator and never plan to be one. Being organized is about finding my stuff, quickly and efficiently. If that means alphabetizing, cool. But if not, no need to alphabetize.

I do like my closets divided by type of clothes and season, because if I am looking for a sweater, I don't want to dig through t-shirts.

I also put newly cleaned clothes in the front of the closet, so that things that I truly never wear naturally move to the back of the closet for donations later.

I put all gifts in the same big, decorative box in the corner of my bedroom (or a note in the box saying where the big gifts are hidden), so that I don't have to search all over for gifts when the birthday party rolls around.

But I read about moms simply having to organize Legos, and I get ragey. First, Legos are really about shapes. If you must organize by color, organize your gift bags or craft paper or something, anything, where color ACTUALLY matters to you. Second, Legos are your kids' toys. Let them organize it - or not. Third, who wants to play with a building toy if putting it away takes hours? Throw those suckers in a plastic, covered box and be done with it.

I read about putting spices in ABC order and it makes no sense to me (unless you are a chef with WAY TOO MANY spices...I actually understand in those cases). 90% of my cooking involves salt, pepper, Louisiana seasoning, garlic powder, and red pepper flakes. Those things go on a decorative tray on the kitchen counter. The tray allows me to keep them close when I cook and move them easily to wipe the counter under them. Everything else is just put neatly on the shelf, maybe vaguely divided into sweet (like cinnamon and nutmeg) and spicy (like mustard seed and cumin).

My shoes are not carefully lined up (except boots or very dressy shoes that need to maintain shape), but thrown in pairs in three decorative buckets on the floor of my closet. (I use the buckets for two purposes: to move the shoes for vacuuming and to limit the number of pairs naturally due to limited space.)

I would never fill my whole pantry with baskets labeled with pretty sticker labels. I just put cans with cans and cereal with cereal. But I do label the over-the-door sorter, as I cannot see what is in there and it contains smaller stuff, like condiments and jams.

The point is that you don't have to organize your kids' school projects (how will they learn?!?), your nail polishes, or your books. You can, and you should, if it makes you happy. But if you are running around the internet, begging someone to PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE help you figure out how to store Legos so the colors stay together, you don't need the colors together. You need a solution that will work easily and simply and save you time and angst, because if you just needed them "sorted by color," you would have already done it!

Come visit my Facebook group, Giftie Etcetera, where we talk and rational solutions to your organizing problems that won't stress you out, but will listen and respond to YOUR individual organizing and planning needs. It won't be pretty, necessarily, but it will work for you.

Etcetera.

A Hot Beverage For Planning

On Saturday mornings, I usually sit in my living room with my laptop (for Philofaxy web finds), my coffee, and my planner.

I notice that a lot of others use their planners with hot tea or coffee for sipping, too. Maybe it's because of our consumer culture. Maybe it's because we are addicted to caffeine. (Yes. Yes I am.)

But I think it's about something else.

Sipping a hot beverage with my planner open in front of me might just be about slowing down and relaxing.

Yes, grabbing a Starbucks coffee is about speed. Stay awake. Work faster. Get it done. But I rarely grab Starbucks and run.

Instead, I brew a cafe' au lait and sip it at home. I order a mocha at a local coffee shop and relax, watching people in the public place go about their days, eavesdropping on conversations and wondering what each person's story might be. If I do enter a Starbucks, it's never through the drive-through and it always involves taking a seat.

Essentially, I slow down. I sip my hot beverage, carefully and thoughtfully, while I decide on my plan for the day. The heat of the coffee, combined with the dash of caffeine, slows me and makes me thoughtful about what I want to accomplish.

Today, it means cleaning my kitchen (it's a disaster), finishing preparing gifts for some birthdays, and finishing my Nanowrimo outline. All of this should be overwhelming, but it's not, just because I slowed down and thought about it. I want to do more, but can assess the feasibility in the quiet of my routine and rationalize the amount that I can reasonably accomplish without burn out.

So, sip a hot beverage while you plan. Or listen to soft music. Or do whatever slows you down.

Your plan will be better and your planner will work better for you.

Etcetera.

Basic Planner Recipe

The components of a planner that work for virtually anyone are actually simpler than you think.

The ingredients include a calendar, task list, paper/idea capture, and a file for information. That's it.

I like my planner on paper, but a computer or smartphone will do, if that is your style. Maybe you have a planning area in your kitchen. Maybe you have a spiral planner or a ring binder. It doesn't matter.

If you have these parts to your system, you can consider yourself a plannerd and can tackle anything.

*Times and Dates

Have a calendar to note dates and times. And then, well, note dates and times.

It's funny how many people fail at this step. They believe that they will remember when the dentist appointment will happen. Or they search all over for that little card, only to discover that the appointment was yesterday and they owe a $50 skipped appointment charge.

Write it down when you schedule or find out about it.

*Task and To Do Lists

Have a place where you write down anything that needs to be done, unless you a) do it anyway regularly or b) are doing it now.

Of course you can be complicated about this. Or you can just designate a legal pad and keep a running list. What matters is that you don't keep it all in your brain. Your brain does NOT have that much room.

*Place for Planning

Have some paper for planning - projects for work, holidays, errand days. Whatever you need to plan, it's easier to think it out on paper (or screen).

*Information on the Go

(You didn't think I was alliterating on purpose, did you?)

Okay, I need a lot of space for things like my medical history (convenient at the doctor's office), exercise class schedule, and blog ideas. But you get the picture. Have a portable place to put that information.

It is important that all of the ingredients are put together in a place that you can easily access and that you love to use. Think of it like using a soup bowl for soup. If you don't have a soup bowl, you'll probably never make soup. I have a beautiful, light blue leather compact planner, but decide what speaks to you. If it's your iPhone, that is alright, as long as you don't mind the input or the layout. Make it fit you and your life.

This is the overview picture of a very simple planner notebook as an example.

But I like something fancier and with more writing space...something more gourmet.

Join the Giftie Etcetera Facebook Group to talk about how you make the recipe work for you.

Etcetera.

Partied at: A Little R & R

Goals: Planning Versus Doing

Some of us over plan.

Some people (not me, of course...{cough}) spend more time planning than doing.

If you see yourself in that statement, step back and consider your goals. Are you planning so that...

*you arrive at events and appointments on time?
*you honor commitments?
*you have the right tools to do the job?
*you make more money or find more success?
*you are a better parent/spouse/person?
*you exercise enough?

*you eat better?

I'm not a huge fan of goal-making, actually. I know that scientists have evidence that a clear, measurable goal predicts likely success. I don't disagree with that research. But I cannot always reach my goal and the constant struggle to do so is exhausting.

Still, you need to KNOW your goals in using your planner in order to use it to get things done.

For me, my goals include:

*exercising most weekdays
*working 15 hours a week
*eat less than 2,000 calories and at least 6 fruits/veggies
*be available for my kids and my spouse
*keep my house comfortably livable

My daily plan reflects those goals.

I scheduled work and a workout. I planned my meals and housework (minimally). I made the list of tasks manageable, by starting with the must dos and adding a restrained and appropriate number of want to/should dos.

Therefore, today will be spent working toward those goals.

But that's not all today will be. Because I was careful not to focus so much on planning that there is still time to play, I'll be reading a novel, watching tv, and relaxing some.

That is life. And life is not defined by a plan. It is defined by what you actually do - your choices each day.

Etcetera.

When To Use Alarms

As much as I love my planner, I use my cell phone alarm and other alarms constantly.

Alarms don't take the place of a planner. Times are still, first and foremost, written in my planner. But alarms do free my mind to work, undistracted by the clock, until I need to stop.

Useful ways to use alarms include:

*Wake Ups

I set my alarm for 6:15 a.m. M - F, not at all on Saturday, and for 7:15 a.m. for Mass on Sunday.

TIP: Use a cell phone alarm for the features, like different settings for different days, progressive alarms that get louder each time they ring (especially useful in the morning), and different types of sounds for different purposes.

*Unusual Appointments

If I need to do something unusual, like go to the dentist at 1:45 p.m., I set an alarm, in case I am not looking directly at my planner when it's time to leave for the appointment.

TIP: Set the alarm enough in advance to allow you adequate time to get to your appointment. 

This is where your planner is useful, as it will tell you where you will be when the alarm goes off. Obviously, if you are going to be in school, court, or church, a vibrating alarm might be better.

*Important Unusual Tasks

If I suddenly need to take an antibiotics every morning with breakfast, in addition to writing it on my planner and logging each dose directly on the pill container, I set an alarm. Taking the med is not part of my routine, but is important, and timing is important, so an alarm makes sense.

TIP: Don't use alarms for everything, including unimportant stuff, or you might start to ignore them.

*Developing Habits

When I first start doing something new, I might set a daily alarm until I get into the habit.

*Transitioning From Engrossing Task

I tend to get engrossed in work (I know, weird, right?), so I set an alarm for my end time (or fifteen minutes before end time, to warn me to finish up whatever I am doing). 

Now, while most alarms are on my cell phone, I generally work in the library, in an office, or in a coffee shop, with earbuds from my laptop to my ears. Therefore, instead of a phone alarm, I use Google alarms.

TIP: To set a Google alarm, type "timer 60 minutes" (or whatever length of time applies) in the Google search bar. Then just leave that window open. The timer will begin by itself. Do make sure your volume is turned on.

Here's what happened when I typed "timer 2 hours":

*Motivating Children

I use alarms all the time with my kids. They get to play "beat the alarm" and can earn extra minutes of using electronics with whatever minutes are leftover. For example, I might give them an hour to clean their rooms, but if they are done to my satisfaction in 23 minutes, they get 37 minutes of free electronics time.

Alarms are an important tool in the modern era and should not be overlooked. Teachers have been using them for decades to know when to change classes. They work!

So decide when you will set alarms and start doing so. You won't regret it.

Etcetera.